


This Town

by ActionGerard



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-05
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-11-12 02:52:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 17,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18002426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ActionGerard/pseuds/ActionGerard
Summary: Eliott was back in town, and maybe Lucas didn't want to remember.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **WARNINGS:** Use of homophobic slur around the last part of the first chapter, and mentions as well as graphic depictions of panic attack. 
> 
> **NOTES:** This was written around the time SKAMFr was doing us dirty and a lot of people (like three, LMAO) asked for a oneshot fix-it but instead, this monster was created. This is rushed and unedited because I got too excited about posting it, so, I apologize in advanced. Minor edits and additions will be made in the future.
> 
> For **Julie** , who I believe is under the username skeakjulie (skeakjuls?), who managed to call me out on my bullshit and gave a few ideas for this thing.
> 
> Title and inspiration taken from Niall Horan's song with the same title. And lastly, **STREAM/LISTEN TO LOUIS TOMLINSON**. ♡

> _ He took his shirt off as he ran from you, so slowly away but I've found him, he's fine. I wasn't floating as I am deciding the loneliest heart in the living room was mine. _

 

 

**_Prologue._ **

It wasn't even surprising that he heard about the news already. They lived in a fairly small town after all, and word spread faster around especially in their part of neighbourhood. It wasn't new, not really, but it didn't occur to him it would happen in less than twenty four hours, and much more a few days before his mum's wedding, of all instances.

Eliott was back in town.

As if it wasn't giving him harder time enough seeing Eliott's face all over magazine stands and billboards wherever he went, he just had to come back that _one time_ Lucas considered special.

_Eliott Demaury, that dreamy superstar._

Maybe it just so happened that he was coincidentally back in France the same moment Lucas' mum was about to get married. Maybe Lucas' mum invited Eliott. Maybe there wasn't really any connection at all, and Lucas was just making excuses to stop himself from getting worked up all over again.

Maybe he just didn't want to remember.

It had been six years after all. It wasn't just a simple knee scrap, or another rough fall at the park. It wasn't something he could move on from overnight for him to smile the next morning as if nothing happened.

It was getting his young heart beaten and broken and stomped out continuously as he desperately mended it with messy stitches only to have it crushed again. It was a ruthless cycle that just wouldn't stop — an inescapable maze with yet another maze at the heart of it. And really, it was easy to think he was okay even though it was clear he wasn't.

Still, he pretended.

It was easier that way, after all. He might not fool himself but at least, it worked well with others. It was an easy way out, and it was the only way he knew. Who ever said pretense never worked?

He could only pretend for so long though, and now that Eliott was back in town, it was like opening old scars — painful and hideous and gnarly, that  he thought were fully healed already. It wasn't surprising, not really but it didn't mean it didn't hurt.

Letting out a deep sigh, he started making his way back to the house, a sense of familiarity washing over him as he passed the old abandoned building near the library. It wasn't the right time for reminiscing, but it was too fucking late now. Flashes of heavy rain and wet kisses started filling his head and he had to physically shake himself out of it he looked like an idiot.

God, he hated today already.

When he arrived home, his mum was making tea and she smiled at him warmly, setting out the cup gently on the table. "Hey, how was your day?"

"Not too bad," he shrugged before pressing a kiss on her cheek. "Yours?"

"Lovely," she smiled, before casually dropping, "Eliott is back in town, dear."

As if anything about what she said was casual at all.

Lucas gritted his teeth, forcing himself to calm down as he set his coat on the rack, letting out a shaky sigh. "So I've heard."

"Lucas—"

"Maman, just let it go," Lucas cut her off, snapping just a little bit. "I'm going to get some rest."

He went to his room without waiting for another word from his mum, slumping down the bed and not even bothering to change clothes. It was uncomfortable, and he was going to hate himself for it later but he really couldn't care less now, and he just wanted to sleep for god knew how long.

Eliott was back in town and his life was crumbling down to pieces without him even knowing it. He felt stupid, really, because he thought — _he knew_ — he was fine, he knew he was over it. And yet, all of those times he spent bringing his self back together had gone to waste in a matter of minute, all because of a guy who probably didn't know his name anymore.

It wasn't fair.

So, he let himself cry, hard, just for today. No one had to know anyway.

 

 

 

_**One.** _

There was a new kid next door.

Lucas was playing with his spacecrafts when noticed the big trucks stopping at the next house — it was too big and too many not to notice — and his curiosity only got the best of him as he stood on tiptoes, leaning over the fence to catch a glimpse of the new kid sitting on the backyard.

Huh.

The kid was wearing a funny coat and glasses — it was too big — and he was resting his chin on his hands as he watched his mum and dad pick up big boxes to put it inside their house. He looked lonely, and Lucas wondered why.

Lucas didn't know what happened to Mrs. Lima next door or why she was gone. Mum said she had to go to a happier place, but Lucas didn't understand why her house wasn't a happy place. Lucas always felt happy when he was home. Maybe Mrs. Lima was just sad because she was alone, which made Lucas sad too because she baked real good brownies, and now she went away.

He was busily watching the kid in awe that he didn't notice his mum standing behind him, tutting when she saw Lucas spying on their new neighbour. "Lucas, it's not nice to do that."

"There's a kid, maman," five year old Lucas reasoned out, turning around and looking at his mum with wide excited eyes. "I wanna play with him."

Maybe they could play with his dinosaurs, or maybe they could dig up fossils on their backyard to find treasure chests. Lucas would even gladly lend the kid his favourite blue car too, if he asked nicely.

"You can play with him later, all right? They still got some unpacking to do after all. God knows how exhausting it is to move in and out."

Lucas furrowed his eyebrows. He couldn't really understand what his mum was saying, but he decided to shrug it off. Adults were really confusing, and he gave up trying to ask everytime because his mum would only either tell him it wasn't nice to ask too much, or that he would understand only when he grew up. It didn't make sense. He was five! He was a grownup, but mum would only laugh whenever he would say so.

Adults were weird.

Instead, he pressed his lips and asked, "Can we play with my dinosaurs, maman?"

"Of course," his mum laughed. "But for now, how about you help me fix the table for lunch, hm?"

"Kay," Lucas shrugged, making his way inside. Maybe he could ask the kid to eat his snacks with him later as well — he really needed someone to share his broccolis with. His mum always got mad at him whenever he wouldn't finish them, but it wasn't his fault. It tasted weird and gross, and his mum wouldn't even give him candies after.

He was hoping the boy would want to play with him. He could share his toys and maybe they could pretend they were superheroes or aliens or whatever the day would choose for them to be. He would really want for the boy to not be sad anymore.

Mostly, he just really wanted a friend.

 

 

His name was Eliott.

Lucas thought his laugh was nice.

Eliott and his parents came over for dinner, and Lucas couldn't contain his excitement when his mum told him about it. Mum told him to behave and be nice but that was crazy. Lucas was _always_ nice. He even prepared his nice toys in case Eliott wanted to play with them.

Eliott was also older than him, which was okay, because he wanted to be friends with Lucas anyway. He was seven, and that was a whole two years older than Lucas, which was really cool!

"I'm five," He said, as his Superman doll started fighting the bad guys. "I'll be six soon though. Maman said I can have cakes with chocolates and marshmallows and sprinkles. You can have my cakes, too."

"Okay."

Lucas frowned. "Do you not want cakes?"

"I do," Eliott answered with a shrug. "But mommy said I can't have too many because my stomach will hurt."

"Oh," Lucas mumbled. "Kay. We will have small cakes then."

Eliott smiled.

Lucas stopped asking about the thick glasses after a while too. _They made me see better,_ Eliott had said, and when Lucas insistently asked to try it, Eliott just shrugged and took the glasses off, giving it to Lucas and Lucas swore not to do it again after feeling too dizzy. 

The dinner was fun, too, but Lucas really liked it better when they were playing. His mum told him he could have _two_ cookies after if he behaved though, so he ate all of his celeries and carrots in no time he almost choked on one. Mum rarely gave him two cookies because it will make his teeth rot, so he did what he had to do whenever she would offer a few more.

They played again after dinner because mum told them kids shouldn't listen when grownups talked. He didn't really want to listen to grownups talk anyway. They were boring and he didn't understand them, and it was crazy, because he was a grownup but he was _fun_.

When it was time for Eliott to go home, Lucas couldn't help but feel sad, even though his mum told him they could play again tomorrow anyway. Tomorrow was too long and _too far._ He couldn't wait that much.

"We can ride our bikes tomorrow," Eliott promised, smiling at him sheepishly.

"I don't know how," Lucas frowned.

"I will teach you then."

"Kay."

Biking sounded fun, but also scary. Mum would always talk to him about the dangers of it, which was why he never really wanted to learn that much. Eliott looked excited though, so that made him excited as well.

Before heading out the door, Lucas looked at Eliott, shrugging before he asked, "Are we friends, Eliott?"

"Of course," Eliott answered with a smile.

And maybe that helped him sleep better that night, after he told Mr. Brown, his teddy bear, about it.

 

 

Eliott kept his promised when he told Lucas he would teach him how to bike.

However, it all ended up with scraped knee after a rough fall, but Lucas didn't cry because _big boys_ like him didn't cry. It hurt, a lot, but Eliott put a bandage with bears on it and he kissed it better, so it was a bit better in the end.

Still.

"Maman will get mad at me," He sighed, resting his face on his hands.

"I'm sorry," Eliott said, frowning a little. "Tell her it was me."

"No, it's okay."

Eliott hummed. "Do you want to ride with me instead? I promise I'm careful. We can go to the gardens."

Lucas considered. On one hand, it sounded fun and he saw how good Eliott was when biking anyway ( _without training wheels!_ ). But on the other, it might result into another fall again and he might _cry_ this time if that happened. He wouldn't really want to cry in front of Eliott.

"What if I fall again?"

"You won't," Eliott answered, and well, Lucas believed him. He was his friend after all.

"Okay then."

The air was crisp and light that afternoon, and Lucas couldn't really care less about his knee or the familiar sensation of fear in his gut, because he was there with Eliott, his new friend, and maybe mum would get mad at him later for not being careful, but that was okay. Right now, he just felt like those superheroes in the comic books his mum bought him — flying and free and _powerful_.

He was so, so happy, even happier when his mum surprised him with his dream toy which was the limited edition G.I. Joe box set for his birthday. His heart was too full he could barely handle it.

He was just so glad he found his best friend.

Eliott stopped at the gardens and he ran quickly, laughing and ushering for Lucas to follow him, so he did. They ran and played for hours, throwing grasses at each other, laughing when one would stumble after the other. It was just the two of them, enjoying the bliss of innocence and childhood that one fine afternoon.

"There, you can marry me now," Eliott said with glee after he put flowers in Lucas' hair — yellow and white daisies — and smiling. He had a stray flower clipped on his eyeglasses too, which looked a little too funny, but lovely. They were sitting on the grass, watching birds and naming all the bugs they could find.

Lucas furrowed his eyebrows. "Can boys marry boys?"

"I don't know," Eliott shrugged. "Maybe."

Lucas never heard of boys marrying other boys. His mum married a boy, and he knew only girls could marry boys. Maybe he could ask mum later, and if she said yes, then maybe he could marry Eliott too, then they could play house every day.

"Okay then," Lucas said, smiling.

Later, his mum didn't get mad at him for scraping his knee, but she got mad that they went home a little too late. Eliott said he was sorry though, and his mum only let out a sigh, and said, "We were just worried about you kids."

Lucas kissed his mum after that and he told her he was sorry. He felt a little bit better when she smiled.

Later that night, when she was tucking him on his bed, Lucas looked up at his mum, eyes full of wonder as he asked, "Maman, can boys marry other boys?"

She blinked, taken aback, flashing a soft smile before asking, "Why do you ask?"

"Eliott said I could marry him," Lucas answered simply. "He even put yellow flowers in my hair and it was pretty. Can I marry Eliott, maman?"

His mum let out a sigh. "I'm afraid you can't, darling."

Lucas frowned, lips wobbling slightly. "No?"

He did not understand why he couldn't marry Eliott. He was nice and funny and he let Lucas play with his Play Station for hours, and he even put flowers in Lucas' hair. He didn't know what was wrong.

Another sigh. "You're too young to marry Eliott, Lucas. Maybe when you're a bit older, hm?"

"Okay," Lucas said, nodding.

Maybe his mum was right. Five year olds couldn't really marry anyway, and he still wanted to play and run and eat cookies before he could marry. Adult stuffs were really confusing, and he didn't know how adults could do it easily. Maybe he could marry Eliott when he was like, a hundred years old.

Yawning, he wrapped his little arms around his mum as he said, "Night, maman."

"Good night, Lu."

 

 

 

_**Two.** _

There was a time when Lucas never picked up his favourite toys again or watched the Sunday morning cartoons, and he didn't even notice it.

He did, however, believe that it was around the same time he started looking at Eliott _a little differently_.

He was thirteen now, and, well, there were really only so much he could think of at such young awkward age. He was _confused_ , was the thing, and it was just too much frustrating that he wasn't able to talk about it.

Eliott was moving up to high school this year, which sucked, because that meant Lucas would be alone all over again.

"Lucas, it'll be fine," Eliott chuckled, ruffling his hair. "We can still eat lunch and walk home together. It's just high school."

Lucas wanted to tell him that _no, it wasn't just high school_. It was rough hands and new people — _better people_ , and Lucas couldn't help but feel scared about the thought of Eliott replacing him. It was just... too much.

And he didn't like what he was feeling at all, because it was cruel and selfish, and best friends weren't supposed to be that way.

Still, Eliott turned up to be this... cool guy. The one with huge nerdy glasses and pretty face. Everyone adored him — it wasn't really surprising — and Lucas was glad, all right? It was just that... well, it kind of sucked.

It wasn't even jealousy.

It just... sucked.

And Lucas was confused, yet again, and it was messing him up. He wasn't sure if being thirteen meant not knowing what was going on with your life, and he wondered if everyone the same age as him had confusion as their default emotion as well. It just sucked. Period.

"You know, jealousy is cute and all, but seriously," Eliott looked at him, smiling a little. "It's not like I'll replace you or what, you know? You're still my little Lulu."

"Shut up," Lucas mumbled, feeling his face getting hot. "M'not jealous, you fool."

"Yeah, yeah," Eliott chuckled. "That's cute."

See, it was that thing. Eliott would casually drop words like that, as if it never made an impact on Lucas at all. Maybe it was because they got too comfortable with each other — hell they'd known each other for _eight years_ , and Lucas was aware that this... _this_ thing was wrong, all right?

They were _best friends._

Best friends didn't think of each other's eye colours, or how they could get lost in it forever. They didn't think of what it was like lying down together under the stars, or about their hands lingering on their skins when they touched. Best friends didn't think of stupid clichés and romantic comedies which was, _really?_

You weren't supposed to fall in love with your best friend, was the point.

And Lucas may have fucked up that one.

When he thought about it, it was terrifying. And painful. And just... _sad._ Sad, in its rawest form. No metaphors and colourful words to describe the beauty and pain behind it, but just sad, and Lucas didn't know if that was much worse.

It was beautiful though, falling in love. It was purple skies above them during summer nights, it was the wind blowing against their skins during bicycle rides, it was Eliott's laugh during winter storms, it was... Eliott.

It was _love_.

And maybe, he was a little okay with that.

"You think too much."

Lucas blinked. "Huh?"

"You've been thinking. Are you all right?" Eliott was looking at him with concerned eyes, frowning a little. "You're awfully quiet."

"I'm good."

"You can tell me, you know."

Lucas sighed. "I know that. Which is why I'm telling you I'm okay. I promise I'll tell you if something's wrong."

"Right," Eliott nodded, obviously not buying Lucas' lie. "How about we go to my place and play music? We need a time for relaxation before school starts anyway. I'll even let you pick the music."

"Good. Your music taste sucks."

"Hey," Eliott frowned. "It's experimental. It's for cool kids."

Lucas laughed. "Sure."

Lucas didn't know what was wrong with him. He didn't know why he just couldn't see the appeal of liking girls. After all, it was what guys his age could only talk about. He just didn't... get it.

Don't get him wrong, he thought girls were beautiful, objectively so. It was just that all he could think of was blue eyes and messy hair and weird music taste and just — Eliott.

That was all he could think about.

Maybe that, and the bittersweet taste it left his tongue.

 

 

During those middle school years that Eliott wasn't with him, he learned to manage things on his own. It was fine though, for most parts, and he never really needed new friends anyway.

Then Yann Cazas came like an angel sent from above and things were a bit better, to say the least.

Yann was in the same grade as him, and he stood up for Lucas during those times when people would make fun of him for his sexuality — or his confusion about it — and, well, it wasn't exactly a common thing to meet genuinely nice people in middle school, right?

Yann then just casually made his way into Lucas' life, and for once, Lucas couldn't really complain.

"I just don't get it."

"What?" Lucas frowned.

"You've been pining for him since _forever_ , and it's obvious he feels the same way," Yann stressed out, tapping his chin with a pencil. "Why don't you just go for it?"

"He doesn't like me that way, Yann," Lucas sighed. Ever since he came out to Yann, he wouldn't stop pestering Lucas about Eliott, and while Lucas appreciated the sentiment, he would really like it if Yann would just let it go.

It was a lost cause, and it was just too painful to think of.

"That's bullshit."

"Man, just let it go."

"Fine," Yann rolled his eyes. "But if you need to talk I'm here, all right? You know I love you no matter what. You're like an idiot brother I never had."

"Gee, thanks."

Yann laughed. "You know it, dude."

And yeah. Lucas did know.

Which was why he was grateful for his friend. Yann made him feel less alone, and a lot more important. He understood Lucas, and he never judged him despite the fact that he liked boys in a way he wasn't supposed to.

Well, at least, he was told he wasn't supposed to.

When he thought about Eliott, it didn't feel like it was wrong at all. It was pure and beautiful and it didn't feel disgusting like what other people said. It was just love after all, it wasn't like it was hurting anyone.

He never really understood the prejudices against boys who liked boys or girls who liked girls.

It was love.

Wasn't love supposed to be right all along?

 

 

 

_**Three.** _

There was something about loving someone who didn't love you back that Lucas thought was beautiful, in a peculiar sense.

For one, it taught him how to be selfless. It taught him how to love without asking for anything in return, to give when he could, to just... love. Unconditional and true. It also taught him how to be contented, to take what he could even if it meant taking the least amount possible. It taught him to be genuinely happy for someone's happiness even if that happiness didn't include him.

It taught him to love Eliott for years without expecting for anything.

It taught him to support him through every single thing.

It even taught him how to be happy when Eliott started dating Lucille.

The truth was that it wasn't fun and games anymore. It wasn't the same as when he was still thirteen, daydreaming about the constellations and how maybe the stars would align for him one day, and maybe, just maybe, let him have his happy ending he deserved.

He was seventeen now. This was... this was the truth, and he had to face it.

The thing was it was hard for him to hate Lucille. She was nice and beautiful and smart, and she obviously liked Eliott anyway, and there was this vile, selfish part hidden somewhere deep in Lucas' mind that wished she was _anything but nice_ so he could easily hate her. But no, Lucas couldn't find a reason to hate her which meant doing so would just make him look like a goddamned tool.

It sucked.

"I'll die alone."

"Don't be so dramatic, Lallemant," Yann said, eyes still focused on their physics homework. "You won't die alone."

"But I will," Lucas groaned, covering his face with his hands. "I will die alone because I keep on pining over my best friend who's dating a nice girl and I'll end up _lonely_ and _miserable_ because I'm still hung up over some stupid crush."

Yann sighed before turning around to face Lucas, expression serious. "First of all, you won't die alone because I'm here, dickwad. I'm also your friend. Second, it's not just some stupid crush. God knows how long you've been in love with that eye candy."

"It doesn't matter though," Lucas mumbled, before groaning again. "This sucks."

There was a time when he told himself him and Eliott had a fallout, somewhere, where they probably just got tired of each other's company and decided to just... let it go. Of course, it was all his mind messing him up but sometimes, he couldn't help but feel like it could be true.

He missed Eliott, really, but he couldn't exactly just barge in Eliott's door and tell him that. No. This wasn't like when they were kids anymore. Eliott had Lucille and Lucas had no one and maybe that was a hard thing to swallow, but it was  _the truth_.

Yann eyed him. "You can always tell him how you feel."

"Yeah, no," Lucas snorted. "I'm not doing that, especially not now that he's happy with her."

"Fine," Yann sighed. "But you got to acknowledge your feelings too."

"I'm _acknowledging_ it. I'm telling you, aren't I?"

Yann rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean."

The point was, Lucas did know what he meant. That didn't give him the right to ruin a relationship just because he had the need to 'acknowledge' shit though. If Eliott was happy, then so be it, right? Lucas was happy, too. He learned how to ignore the pang of bitterness in his chest a long time ago already.

He had been fine, and he was going to be fine.

"I'm fine, Yann."

"I know that," Yann answered softly. "But you're really not. Lucas, your happiness isn't even your own happiness anymore. Don't be complacent with this shit. You deserve your own good things, too."

Well. He just didn't see the point in it.

He was _fine_. For now, at least.

 

 

"Are you avoiding me?"

Lucas looked up, seeing Eliott's glum expression, before blinking, " _What?_ "

"You're avoiding me." It wasn't a question anymore.

It had been a whole week since they last talked, and that was the first thing Eliott told him.

Well.

He wasn't avoiding Eliott. He was just simply... keeping distance, only a little, because it was the easiest way for him. If he was a few steps away, he could still be happy for Eliott without him seeing right through Lucas. It wasn't exactly easy to fake smiles all the time and being too close would just make it harder. After all, people could only see genuineness when they were a little farther. Moving in a little too near would just give away the pretense of it all.

"I'm not."

"Seriously, Lucas, did I do something wrong?" Eliott looked hurt and betrayed and confused and just... Lucas couldn't help but feel bad because he caused that.

"It's not that," Lucas explained with a sigh. "It's just that school is messing me up and you know how that goes."

Eliott wasn't convinced. He was still looking at Lucas, eyes full of emotions Lucas couldn't decipher. Finally, he let out a quiet sigh, "I'm sorry."

Lucas blinked. "Huh?"

"I'm sorry," Eliott repeated. "I rarely hang out with you anymore. I didn't mean to. I hope you know you're still my best friend."

"Eliott—"

"I broke up with Lucille."

 _Oh_.

"Why?" Lucas asked cautiously.

Eliott shrugged. "It just wasn't working anymore."

Lucas furrowed his eyebrows. That couldn't be right. Eliott had been dating Lucille for four months already, and he seemed happy — they were almost too perfect for each other. The relationship _not working anymore_ just wouldn't make sense.

He bit his lip, looking up at Eliott a little unsure. "Do you maybe want to come over? We can just, hang out or something."

"Okay," Eliott nodded, the littlest smile making its way on his lips. "Let's do that."

The walk on their way back was silent and while silence between them wasn't exactly new, this — it was different. It was silently deafening and uncomfortable and the tension was suffocating enough to make his knees buckle. He missed Eliott, he really did, and it kind of hurt to feel like the person he was with was a complete stranger.

"I'm sorry I completely dropped you off because of Lucille," Eliott said after a moment, looking down at the ground. "That wasn't very cool of me."

"It's fine, I understand," Lucas answered, because he did. He was used to it. People just got tired of him, it was the thing. He couldn't even afford to get offended anymore. It was just how it was. It hurt, but he got used to it.

Eliott shook his head. "It was not fine. We're supposed to be best friends."

"We're _still_ best friends," Lucas stressed.

"I haven't been the best friend you needed for months, you know," Eliott sighed, fixing his glasses and looking at Lucas. "I mean, don't get me wrong. Cazas seems nice, but a guy is getting a little jealous here."

Lucas chuckled, shaking his head. "You're insufferable."

"It's true!" Eliott barked out a laugh, ruffling Lucas' hair. "I'm still your best friend though, aren't I?"

"Of course," Lucas smiled. "Always."

 

 

"Are you sure this is safe to eat?" Lucas was eyeing the 'crêpe' Eliott insisted on making, frowning at the dark brown thing on his plate, wondering if it was even edible. He wasn't a professional cook but he was sure as hell crêpes weren't supposed to look like _this_.

Eliott shrugged. "You'll never know if you don't try, little Lu."

"Shut up," Lucas rolled his eyes playfully at the nickname. Poking the crêpes with fork, he grimaced, "I don't think we should really try these."

"Don't be rude, _I made those_."

"Then you go first."

"Fine," Eliott said, before shoving up a huge cut of crêpe in his mouth, chewing _slowly, slowly, slowly —_

 _God_. Lucas wished he'd taken a photo.

Gagging, and almost spitting out all of the contents in his mouth, Lucas couldn't stop laughing at Eliott's expression, wondering how the fuck he managed to _swallow_ all of the abominable creation they made.

"We should've opted for niçoise, no?"

"Lucas, if we can't make thin pancakes, how do you think we'll make an edible niçoise?" Eliott answered after finishing a glass of water in one gulp. "God, I feel like I've been poisoned."

"It's just salad, Eliott. I'm pretty sure we can manage."

Eliott groaned. "I'm never eating again. I will _die_ , Lulu."

"Drama queen."

Eliott frowned, letting out an exaggerated sigh, before his eyes widened almost comically, and exclaiming, "I have a _wonderful_ idea, little Lu."

Lucas narrowed his eyes. He would not want to know where this was heading.

"No, no, really, hear me out," Eliott straightened up, smiling wide. "We can go ride my bike, just like what we used to do when we were young."

Lucas frowned. He never really learned how to ride a bicycle, much to his dismay. He never got around to learning it, and he didn't really found the need to, especially when Eliott would usually insist and let him ride with him anyway. "I still didn't know how to."

"Great," Eliott clasped his hands. "Means you can still ride with me."

Eliott rushed outside, leaving Lucas surprised and after less than a minute, he could hear the familiar bell ringing outside the house.

When he got out, he saw Eliott on his bicycle, grinning like a maniac, and yelling, "Well, what are you waiting for, princess?"

Rolling his eyes playfully, Lucas carefully sat on the back of Eliott's bicycle, hitting him lightly when he 'accidentally' tipped the bike sideways slightly. "Stop being an idiot, Demaury."

Eliott laughed.

The sun was still fairly hot as they rode their way on the almost empty streets, and Lucas didn't realise how much he had missed this. It felt as if they were kids again, and it was just a moment of contentment and glee and he couldn't really ask for more. He loved it, the feeling, of what seemed like, _yeah, he got his Eliott back_.

It was nice.

Eliott stopped in front of the garden they used to go to when they were kids and Lucas immediately felt the sense of familiarity surging through him as he was met by the sight of yellow and white daisies and daffodils scattered around them.

"Can you believe this still looks as pretty?" Eliott sighed, running to the grasses and slumping on the ground, calling for Lucas to follow him, and so Lucas did.

The skies were beautiful, although the sun kind of hurt their eyes, making them squint just a little. The flowers covering them were just as beautiful, but the moment he looked at Eliott beside him, all the exquisite sights around him were forgotten, because this... _this_ was gorgeous.

Eliott with his blue eyes and chestnut hair, his nerdy glasses that seemed too big for him but he managed anyway. But those were the superficials, the artificial eye candies, because Eliott was beautiful, objectively so, but there was more to it than that.

Like when he would laugh at Lucas' jokes — even the corny ones, or when his eyes would have crinkles when he would smile brightly. How he would dance around in his weird dubstep music, or when he would animatedly talk about an idea for hours. It was an endless list, really, but Lucas could just never get tired of listing it down in his head, because those things? Those were the things that made Eliott up. It was what he truly was, under the beauty on the eye could see.

It was what made Lucas fell in love.

"You always do that," Eliott said all of a sudden, cutting Lucas off his trance.

"Huh?"

"Space out," Eliott explained shortly, looking at him with slightly furrowed eyebrows. "You space out a lot, even when we were kids, like your head is filled with god knows what and you just let yourself get lost in it. It's slightly worrying."

"Sorry."

"Are you all right?"

 _He was fine._ He was, really, but that didn't mean he could stop thinking about Lucille or Eliott or where that would bring him now, because as much as he hated to admit it, there was this tiny, miniscule, microscopic, _very little_ amount of relief washing over him and that made him feel terrible, because Eliott was his best friend. He wasn't supposed to feel glad about broken relationships, no matter how in love he was.

It _shouldn't_ work that way.

Yet, Eliott was looking at him, casually glancing at his lips, and he honestly didn't know what to make of _that_. Clearing his throat, he mumbled, "I'm okay, Eliott."

Eliott looked like he didn't believe him, but Lucas honestly couldn't be bothered. It wouldn't matter anyway, and it wasn't like it was much of a big deal. (It was.)

They stayed there in silence, eyes closed and just feeling the warmth of the sun kissing their skins, before Eliott decided to break it with a, "You know what I'm thinking?"

Lucas hummed, still not opening his eyes.

"I think we should go to prom together."

Lucas' eyes snapped wide open, looking sharply at the boy lying beside him, before he hissed, _"What?"_

"I just think it's a good idea."

Lucas could list out the possible things and reasons as to why that was the opposite of a good idea, but he could only look at Eliott in bewilderment because, _yeah, what the fuck was that?_

He was about to open his mouth to say something when he was cut off with a heavy rain pouring all over them, and he wondered how that was possibly happening with the sun still shining above.

"Jesus, how," Lucas scoffed, hastily getting up and quickly jumping on the backseat of Eliott's bicycle.

Eliott pedaled in high speed as it continued pouring, the sky dangerously darker than it was just minutes ago. He stopped in front of an abandoned building near the library and then pulling Lucas with him inside, letting out a breathy laugh when they got in. "That was fun."

"Could've been dryer," Lucas commented dryly.

Eliott chuckled, "Come on, you got to admit it was fun too."

They stayed inside for a few minutes, waiting for the rain to stop, and it was when Lucas started visibly shaking that Eliott insisted on "snuggling together for body heat" which Lucas quickly dismissed, because, _no, Eliott, that wouldn't work seeing as we're both drenched in wet clothes and it'll just get annoyingly sticky._

Of course, Eliott decided he didn't care because he was instantly wrapped around Lucas, and while Lucas wouldn't complain any other given day, today was just... no.

"I meant what I said earlier, you know," Eliott mumbled all of a sudden, arms still wrapped tightly around Lucas as they sat on the cold concrete floor. It was a slightly weird angle, but Eliott pleaded, and Lucas didn't really have the heart to say no again, so they made it work. "About going to prom together."

Lucas sighed. He thought they dropped the topic already. "Eliott, you literally just broke up with Lucille."

Eliott mumbled something in return that Lucas didn't catch, much to his annoyance. He glanced down at Eliott, whose face was currently resting on his shoulders, and said, "You got to say it clearly, you know."

"I said," Eliott started, then a deep sigh. "I said I broke up with Lucille because of you."

Lucas froze. "W-what?"

In all of those years that he fell and stayed in love with Eliott, never did he think of breaking up his best friend's relationship just for the sake of, well, being in love with him. Sure, there were times when he would feel guilty whenever he would be slightly thankful whenever Eliott would stop dating one girl or another, but that didn't mean he would _purposely_ want to break them up. He might not be the best person around, but he was most definitely not that cruel.

"What did — I'm — did I do _anything_?"

"Jesus, no," Eliott quickly interrupted, pulling away slightly to look at Lucas. "I just meant, I'm — I like you, okay? Like, _like you_. And I don't want Lucille to think I'm leading her on or something."

And —

"Eliott, _what_ _the_ _fuck_ ," Lucas snapped, moving away from Eliott. "That's not funny, okay?"

He was glaring at Eliott, lips wobbling just a little, and if he was shaking not because of the cold but because of anger, then no one had to know. "What, did Yann tell you? Look, just because you know that I lo — _like_ you, doesn't mean you can use it to play me, all right? It's not cool."

He was aware of how his voice was wavering, or how his eyes were starting to water, but he really couldn't care less. This was a cruel joke, and he could almost hear his heart shattering in pieces.

"Lucas, _what?_ " Eliott asked, confusion painted on his face. "I'm not — _jesus_ , what are you talking about?" He was inching closer to Lucas, eyes pleading silently, as he started to babble, "I'm not messing up with you. I really did break up with her because I like you, Lucas. It's been going on for a while now, and — _fuck_ , it's confusing, all right? I didn't even know I like boys, but I like you, okay? I do."

"But you were with her for months," Lucas accused shakily. "Look, if I'm some sick rebound to you—"

"Lulu, _no_ ," Eliott cut him off. "You're not a rebound. I've been feeling it for a while now, but, fuck, I was scared, all right? But it's true, I promise. I'm not — fuck, do you really think I would ruthlessly mess up with you?"

And no, not really, Lucas thought. Sure, Eliott was pretty insensitive with what he felt sometimes, but that didn't mean he was a bad person and to be fair, Lucas hadn't been pretty clear himself anyway. It wasn't fair for both of them, of course, but Eliott was right. Lucas _knew_ — he was sure that Eliott wasn't the kind of person who would just mess up with someone, much less Lucas, for fun.

"Hey, come here," Eliott called out softly, but he was already crawling near to Lucas. He put his hands on Lucas' shoulders, looking straight at him, as he said, "Deep breaths, man."

"I'm sorry. It's just—"

"Shh," Eliott soothed. "It's fine. I get where that's coming from, but look. I'm being honest here, okay? _I like you_ , Lucas Lallemant."

Lucas smiled softly, letting out a deep breath, and replied, "I like you too, you know."

"I guess I do now."

Eliott was staring at him, eyes flicking from his eyes to his lips, and Lucas really only had so much self control, you know? So, taking a deep breath, he leaned forward, hoping he was doing the right thing as he pressed his lips against Eliott's.

Eliott tasted like cinnamon, and his lips were as soft as they looked. Admittedly, Lucas knew it wasn't the most romantic thing to be stranded in an abandoned building while it was pouring outside, but it was... beautiful. He felt his head afloat in a state of euphoria and well, he never really believed it when people would often spew clichés about _electricity_ and _fireworks_ whenever they were kissing the person they loved but right then, on the cold floors of that building, he felt the warmth bubbling inside him, and yes, it was cliché but it was _real_.

"I think we should head back," Eliott muttered breathlessly after he pulled away, resting his forehead against Lucas'. "Our mums are probably worried."

Lucas chuckled. "Yeah." Before leaning again, just to savour Eliott's taste on his lips yet again.

The ride on the way home was cold and wet and slightly uncomfortable, but if you asked Lucas, he would say he barely even noticed, especially not when there was a pool of warmth overflowing inside his chest, keeping him safe and elated.

Electricity and fireworks were an understatement, really.

 

 

Lucas was nervous.

No, Lucas _wasn't_ nervous — that was an understatement. Lucas was falling apart helplessly and he was _this_ close to having a panic attack and he didn't quite know how he was still managing to mask a smile despite the cold hands and shaky breaths.

He wasn't really a fan of grand balls or promenades — never really found the appeal, but since Eliott _~~pestered~~_  asked him out about it every single day for the last week, he eventually agreed, albeit reluctantly.

The smile on Eliott's face was worth it though.

Going to prom was one thing, sure, he didn't have that much problem with it — not really. But going to prom with his best friend as his date was another, and he wasn't quite sure if it was the best idea. It wasn't like the douchebags at school wasn't giving him enough hard time already since he was a _'disgusting fag',_ and having a boy as his date was like the cherry on top for those goddamned assholes.

So, yes, he was nervous.

He couldn't breathe properly, and he was unnecessarily sweating, he couldn't even button his shirt in its right place because of his uncontrollably shaking hands, and _fuck_ , this was going real bad.

"Hey, hey, breathe for me, Lucas," Eliott appeared behind him, holding him steadily. "Come on, love, you're doing great. Breathe with me, okay?"

Lucas nodded, numbly, gasping just a little and mumbling, "Yeah, yes. I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"Hey, no, it's cool, it's not your fault," Eliott whispered softly. He brushed Lucas' hair away from his face, gently touching his cheeks, as he reassured him, "We don't have to go, you know?"

Lucas quickly shook his head. "No, it's fine, let's go."

He knew how excited Eliott was for this day, and he wasn't going to just ruin it because he couldn't pull his self together.

Eliott looked at him, concern and worry on his face. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

Eliott sighed before pressing a chaste kiss on Lucas' lips, smiling softly and said, "I'll be here, yeah?"

Yeah. Lucas knew that.

Eliott fixed his crooked tie, laughing at how sloppy he was, and Lucas pointed out that he shouldn't really be the one to talk considering his skewed glasses.

"I think I should buy a new pair," Eliott stated, fixing it.

Lucas leaned in and pressed a kiss on his cheek, winking. "You look nice nonetheless."

They were met with their teary eyed mums waiting for them in the living room, cameras in both hands and they both fought the urge to groan, especially when Lucas' mum said, "Oh, look at you two. My heart is so happy."

Surprisingly, coming clean to his mum about Eliott took a finer turn. She knew about his sexuality already, but when he told her about the thing — whatever it was — with Eliott, she smiled softly at him and engulfed him into a tight hug, with a shaky response of, "I'm so proud of you, love."

It was nice.

Eliott's mum was a lot more ecstatic about it, and, well, maybe cakes and wines were involved during the coming out process, but it hardly mattered. All of them were happy, and it was what's important, and Lucas could only be so grateful.

"Maman, stop," Lucas said when he noticed the tears threatening to fall on his mum's eyes. "It's just prom."

"Shush, it's _never_ just prom," she reprimanded, before ushering them to take a pose, and said, "Now smile and look pretty, boys. This is going to the family album."

And hey, they had no choice but to comply.

A few minutes and a hundred photographs taken later, they finally managed to got out of the house, and trust Eliott Demaury to suggest taking the bicycle on their way to the prom, _in their tux_.

"What are we doing here?" Lucas asked when they stopped, confused, staring at the same abandoned building they got stranded in a week ago in front of him. "I'm — _what?_ "

"I'm taking prom to you," Eliott explained, smiling. "I know how anxious you are getting, so I thought we'd make our own here."

Lucas stared.

Eliott started to fidget, a nervous habit, as he started to stammer. "I mean, I'm — I just really think it's a good idea. I mean it's not the most romantic place but — actually, you know what, we can still go to the gymnasium. It's not too late. It's probably—"

Lucas cut him off with a kiss before he could hurt himself because boy, Eliott could _seriously mumble,_  and smiled, "Hey, stop worrying. I love it."

Eliott let out a deep shaky aexhale, nodding, "Okay, okay." He cleared his throat, gaining back his composure, and offered his hand, asking in faux British accent, "Shall we then, mister?"

Lucas laughed. "We shall."

 

 

Lucas was in _awe_.

He stared at the sight in front of him, and wondered when the hell Eliott got the time to make all of it, because he was sure as hell this couldn't be done in a span of a week, much less two days.

"I may have asked for a little help," Eliott admitted and grinned sheepishly when he pulled the chair and ushered Lucas to sit down. "I mean, the fairy lights were Daphné's idea, and Manon helped with the food, but I can take credit for the others."

"I can tell," Lucas chuckled.

The cakes — the _variety_ of it — and wine were good, and the ambience of the whole thing was beyond impressive.

Mostly, he was surprised by how Eliott managed to keep his mouth shut without any slipping incident, and Lucas would totally give him points for that.

"I almost told Yann," Eliott admitted, laughing just a little. "But then I know how loyal he is to you, so I refrained. The point is to surprise you after all."

Yup, totally impressive.

After dinner, Eliott inserted a tape on the portable cassette player, smiling as he explained, "It's a little old school but I made a mix tape for tonight. Of course it won't be prom without dancing."

The first few notes of 'Grow' started playing which made Lucas raise an eyebrow, looking at Eliott in surprise, "Care to share how you found out about Wake Owl?"

Eliott laughed, offering a hand to Lucas, "We can't exactly dance to Caspa, can we?"

Lucas shook his head fondly, took Eliott's hand and stood up, putting his hands on Eliott's shoulder as Eliott pulled him a little closer with his hands on the small of Lucas' back. And well, they might not be the best of dancers, but this was more than anything Lucas could ever ask for. His heart was  _fluttering_ just by thinking how much time and effort Eliott put into this whole thing.

It was pretty romantic for a place that was anything but romantic. Blue and green fairy lights were shining around them as they slowly swayed to the music filling the air, and maybe, Lucas could change his mind about not finding the appeal to proms.

But this was their thing, though. It wasn't just _any_ prom. It was just the two of them sharing their space and time together, in the privacy of their own place, without any judgments or prejudice. It was quiet, yet so loud, and it was strong and fleeting.

It was more than enough.

It was home.

They got back at Eliott's place around eleven o' clock, sneaking upstairs to his room to avoid waking the others up. Lucas could always just go back home (he lived a  _few steps_ away), but he wanted to be _closer, closer, closer_ to Eliott so he stayed.

They quickly stripped off their tuxedos — too tired to even care about modesty and it wasn't like they hadn't seen each other naked yet, _jesus_ , they were friends for _eight years_ — and changed into Eliott's clothes before slumping down the bed, letting out a soft sigh.

Eliott immediately tackled his lips then peppered his face with quick kisses, making Lucas chuckle lowly. "I thought you were tired."

Eliott hummed. "With lips like that? I'd really rather not sleep."

"You're a dork," Lucas laughed, taking Eliott's glasses off his face, before kissing him deeply, slowly, because hey, they got all the time in the world. It was just the two of them, and there wasn't any need for a rush. They could stay here forever, and maybe, Lucas was intending to do just that.

"Tonight was fun," Lucas mumbled, nipping on Eliott's lip that still tasted of wine.

"Yeah?" Eliott asked, voice a little rough. "I was afraid you'd hate it."

"Nonsense," Lucas said, before lying down on his stomach, yawning. "I loved it. Very cheesy, very you."

"Hey," Eliott drawled out, feigning offense. He wrapped his arms around Lucas, kissing his nape, and mumbling, "It's not cheesy. It's just, you know, whatever."

Lucas laughed, too tired to even let out a response.

He wanted to tell Eliott how he felt — how he _truly_ felt, but as he remembered, there wasn't any need to rush things. They got all the time in the world. Maybe they could talk about it tomorrow, or next week, or next month.

Maybe they could talk about it for eternity.

Closing his eyes, he let sleep peacefully take him over as he felt Eliott's heartbeat, close and soft.

 

 

_**Four.** _

Lucas woke up cold and alone, searching and reaching out for Eliott's warmth, and frowning a little when he came up empty. He slowly opened his eyes and furrowed his eyebrows when Eliott was nowhere in sight.

He picked up Eliott's discarded shirt on the floor and quickly put it on, making his way downstairs and being met by Eliott's mum.

"Good morning, ma'am," Lucas greeted, smiling softly.

"Ah, Lucas," She smiled back, and ushered for him to sit. "Good morning, I didn't know you're still here. I was just about done preparing breakfast. Come, come."

Lucas sat down, thanking her when she offered him a cup of coffee. She set down the plates — _two plates_ — and put some eggs and toast on Lucas' plate, before seating down across him.

Lucas' eyes wandered around, searching for any signs of Eliott, confused when he couldn't find any. He awkwardly cleared his throat, looking at Eliott's mum, before slowly asking, "Ma'am, where's Eliott?"

She blinked.

Hard.

Twice.

And Lucas had to watch in confusion as the realisation was drawn on her face — _about what_ he didn't know — and her smile was quickly replaced by worry and guilt. Lucas didn't understand.

"Ma'am, is something wrong?" He asked politely.

"Oh, dear, I'm so sorry," She looked down, shaking her head a little. "I thought he told you. I didn't know."

Lucas was starting to get nervous, and his heart was beating loudly, unsteadily in his chest. His throat was dry, and he was looking at her, eyes wild, as he asked, _told me what,_ but even he wasn't sure he wanted to hear the answer.

"He left for New York a while ago, Lucas," She slowly explained, still not being able to look at him. "He's gone."

He was starting to take deeper breaths, the kind that always made his chest hurt, as he stared at her, silently pleading her to _please tell me you're kidding,_ and ignoring the ringing that was alarmingly getting louder in ears, shaking his head slightly.

"I'm sorry," she said again, and truly, she sounded like she really was, if it wasn't overpowered by the continuous noise in his head, loud and unclear and overwhelming and deafening.

And that was the last thing Lucas heard before everything turned to black.

 

 

"You know, you almost gave Mrs. Demaury a heart attack," was the first thing Lucas heard when he opened his eyes, still groggy from his sleep. "Don't do that again."

"What happened?" Lucas rasped out, and Yann immediately handed him a glass of water. "Thanks."

He noticed he was back in his room, and Yann was there, for some reasons. He also felt like shit, which was pretty much an understatement but his head hurt too much to even think of another word to describe what he was feeling.

"You collapsed, that's what," Yann said simply.

Oh.

Slowly, flashes of pictures started filling his head as he recollected what just happened, then shaking his head. "Is Eliott—"

Yann sighed, cutting him off. "He's gone, Lucas. Off to New York to become a super model or something."

"So, it wasn't a dream," Lucas whispered, mostly to himself, but was loud enough for Yann to hear. "I thought I was just hallucinating the whole thing. I thought it was — _fuck_ , I didn't know what I think."

"I'm sorry."

Lucas wanted to cry. He wanted to fucking, scream and shout and _break things_ , but he was too exhausted to even move, and all he could do was let out a shaky breath as Yann watched him with pity, mumbling his apology once again.

It wasn't fair.

He couldn't believe Eliott could do _that_ — to just barge in casually and make him feel special and loved, and just... just leave like it meant _nothing_ at all. Like those kisses were merely pretense and — _it fucking hurt_.

"It fucking hurt," Lucas voiced out his own thoughts shakily.

"I know," Yann answered sincerely. "And this sucks, and I know you're crushed right now, and that's okay. It's... okay not to be okay. It just, it's gonna hurt for a while, but I'll be here, right? We'll be here."

Lucas really appreciated the sentiment, _he really did_ , but he just felt too numb and too pained at the same time that he didn't even know how to act properly anymore.

 _So, this was how it felt_ , he thought to himself. This was how it felt to get your heart bruised and battered, worse than those months and years of unrequited love he experienced, and he wasn't sure he was strong enough to handle it.

How dare Eliott, really, to give him something special only to steal it away the moment he found himself getting attached to it. It was like being teased and taunted, and he was furious at himself for falling for it like a fool.

Because hey, stupid him for believing they got eternity, right? For thinking that they got all the time in the world _together_. 

Maybe he read it all wrong, got lost in translation. Maybe this was how it was supposed to be, all the time in the world, to feel the pain and heal, and to move on from a short time of bliss and euphoria.

Because Eliott was gone, and he took a large piece of Lucas with him.

And now, Lucas just felt lost.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd say this in advance. This chapter was written in a rush, and I wasn't proud of it at all. In fact, if I were given the chance to just leave the last chapter as it was, I'd choose it. But I promised a chapter, so, here it was. I'm sorry. And yes, that's the sorry excuse of an ending I came up with because I lost all motivation to finish the original ending planned.

>   _Carrying a plastic bag, threw up by your side just to show me I'm lonely again. Maybe I just need a man so loosely reduced to an infant dependent on wine. And it was only a matter of time._

 

 

 

He guessed, there were things too inevitable that even being too careful wouldn't even work when your ex lover (if Eliott could even be called that) came back to your hometown six years after disappearing without much of a goodbye.

One being the unexpected meeting, especially when the said ex lover literally lived next door. It was a fight or flight instance, yet again, when he caught Eliott's eyes, the same one he used to look at all those years ago, and it felt disturbingly foreign to see it without any huge glasses framing it.

Eliott looked  _good_ , for lack of a better word. Well, he always looked good, gorgeous even, but this wasn't the same awkward guy who would jump and dance around to his  ~~adorable~~  shitty music taste, and would put flowers in Lucas' hair during summer days. This was a person whose face were seen in every tabloids and fashion magazines, the person who walked more runways than Lucas could ever count. The person who could easily wrap anyone around his finger because of how exquisite he was.

This person was a complete stranger to Lucas.

Once he managed to cut himself off his trance, he quickly paced away from the house, ignoring Eliott's calls of his name, and willing himself to walk faster.  _Maybe if I try hard enough, he would disappear,_  he thought stupidly. Maybe.

"Lucas, please!" He felt a hand on his shoulder and he quickly stepped away, as if being burnt, and looked sharply at Eliott, voice dripping with venom as he sneered, "Go away, Demaury."

"Lucas, I'm—"

"Save it," Lucas snapped. "And quit following me."

He was almost running the moment he turned away from Eliott, but he really didn't care anymore. He had to get away, to just avoid seeing Eliott all over again, because fuck him, right, but it still hurt. Even after all those years he tried convincing himself that he was over it, all it took was one glance and he was back to zero once more. He never felt more pathetic in his life.

He found himself at the coffee shop, where Yann worked during his free time as a sideline, and really, Lucas didn't know why he had to work at a shitty coffee place given that he was making more than enough for himself.

It was fun, Yann had told him, or something along the lines of using his free time productively, or whatever. Lucas didn't get it.

"Ah, Lucas, I see you're back," Yann greeted him when he entered the shop, grinning widely at him.

"I was just here yesterday," Lucas rolled his eyes. He made a beeline to the counter, reading the daily menu and debating between the croissant or the blueberry scone, when Yann slowly commented, "Hey, have you heard?"

Lucas let out a sigh.

"Yes, Yann, I've heard."

"Must be tough, no?" Yann pressed his lips tightly. "He actually dropped by yesterday, just a few hours after you left. I almost poisoned his drink but I thought, nah, it wasn't worth it."

"Yeah, no, don't do that," Lucas shook his head, trying not to think of murders consisting of his best friend and a certain blue-eyed model. "But it's — I'll be fine. It's not like we'll see each other every day anyway."

Aside maybe from the fact that their houses were literally next to each other and they could very much see each other every day.

Yann looked like he was thinking the same, but he decided to keep quiet about it. Instead, he cleared his throat, and asked about Lucas' mum instead.

"She's great," Lucas answered. "Excited, I think. You know how it goes."

"And Marlon?"

"He's chill," Lucas shrugged. "I mostly leave them to it, you know? If maman is happy with him, then I'll just let it be. I'm happy for her as well."

He was about to place an order when someone went inside the shop, stacks of boxes in his hands and letting out a loud sigh once he placed them on the counter.

"Damn, you think deliveries are fun and shit but try actually delivering them," the guy scowled, wiping his forehead with the back of his hands, before looking at Yann, and nodding, "Here's the magazines Mr. Soldaini ordered."

"Yeah, just put them in the back, thank you," Yann answered, smiling.

The guy was about to pick up the boxes when Lucas decided to ask, "Do people actually still read magazines?"

The guy laughed. "You'll be surprised, son. This issue especially, was in demand. Sold out the first day, I'm telling ya. It's actually surprising to see." He opened one of the boxes before handing Lucas a copy. Lucas almost dropped the thing.

It was Eliott Demaury's face staring back at him, piercing blue eyes significantly focused, and, well.

"An eye candy, no?" The guy said, unaware of Lucas' internal conflict and anxiety.

Lucas didn't even notice the guy had went away already, eyes still glued on the cover of the magazine that felt too cruel, too taunting. It was as if anywhere he went, he just could not escape. The ghost of his past would just continuously come back to haunt him and there was no running away from it, like he was doomed forever.

Well, there went his day.

Fuck Eliott Demaury for ruining his life, really.

 

 

 

It had been a week since Eliott was back in town, and in three days, Lucas' mum was getting married.

The whole house was a  _disaster_. It was a frenzied state of nightmare that were filled with constant yelling and stressful cries and Lucas was  _this_  close to breaking down because of it. He didn't know what was going on anymore. The house was filled with relatives who promised to lend a hand for the wedding, people were everywhere, direct orders were made, complains were filed and  _God,_  Lucas didn't know planning for weddings could be this much exhausting.

He guessed maybe the worst thing about it all was his mum being best friends with Eliott's mum, which meant Eliott was there as well, sitting across from him while they uncomfortably made paper maché decorations in silence, and Lucas really wished Eliott would just cut it out with the constant glances because it was getting under his skin. It wasn't like it was easy for Lucas not to stare as well because Eliott not wearing his glasses was still a foreign concept to him, despite the fact that he had seen it in thousands of magazines already. In his defense, at least he was being subtle about it. Eliott was just straight up looking at him unashamedly,  _the nerve._

Somewhere in the living room, he could hear his mum's high pitched cries, and Lucas knew a Bad Thing happened just judging by the tone of it, so he quickly intervened, standing up quickly and tried to locate her in the room full of Lallemants, and saw her leaning on the door frame near the kitchen, a glass of wine in hands and looking stressed.

"Maman, what's the matter?"

"The flowers, my boy," his mum gritted out, eyes widening in horror. "They cannot deliver it today. We need the flowers now, Lucas and if it didn't come today, I swear — oh, God."

"Maman, calm down," Lucas said, which was a wrong move, really, because that never worked. She held her firmly by the shoulders, looking at her straight, and said, "Ma, look, I'll take the flowers from the shop, all right? It's only a few blocks and I'm sure I can manage, how about that?"

He wasn't sure why they needed the flowers three days before the wedding, but fuck that if it would make his mum relax. On the other hand, he wondered if it would cause more disaster if the flowers wilted before the day, but he kept his mouth shut.

His mum looked reluctant, but after a few seconds, she seemed to relax just a little, before asking, "Lucas, are you sure? That's two enormous bouquets of flowers. I'm not sure your small frame will be able to carry it."

Which was, wow,  _rude._

He was about to say something when someone beat him to it, almost instantly glowering at Eliott as he offered, "I'll come with him. We can bring the flowers, ma'am."

 _What the fuck,_  Lucas thought, was Eliott Demaury's deal that he just thought it was a good idea to casually barge in back to Lucas' life like Lucas wasn't this close to strangling him. Yeah, what the hell was that?

Seeing the look of pure delight on his mum's face as she gushed,  _yes, please, dear, that would be lovely,_  he couldn't afford to growl and say no just for the sake of being petty, and actually let Eliott with him to the flower shop.

The walk to the shop wasn't that long, but it didn't mean it wasn't awkward by any means. It was still disturbingly uncomfortable, and the fact that Eliott kept on looking at him wasn't helping.

He wanted to snap, was  _this_  close to doing so, but he didn't want to ruin his mum's special day because of some unresolved tension between him and his ex lover, so he let it go.

Of course, it only got worse when they entered the shop and Eliott was immediately recognised by the girl at the counter, gaping his mouth open when she caught sight of Eliott.

"Oh, my God," she gushed, eyes widening as both Lucas and Eliott approached her. "You're — gosh, you're Eliott Demaury."

Eliott smiled sweetly, albeit a little awkwardly, and said, "I guess that's me."

"Can I have an autograph?" She rushed out, visibly shaking behind the counter and Lucas wondered if she was fine, was actually starting to worry if she needed assistance. "I mean, if it's okay? I'm sorry, I'm just — I'm a big fan and —"

"Hey, it's fine," Eliott cut her off, smiling softly. "Do you have anything I can sign?"

She scrambled on the drawers and retrieved a pen and a piece of paper, handing it to Eliott with shaking hands, letting out a deep breath. She looked at Lucas, pressing her lips into a thin line, before mumbling, "I hope I'm not making it weird for you."

Lucas blinked. He furrowed his eyebrows then pointed to himself, asking, "Me?"

"Yeah," She answered, nodding firmly. "I mean, I'm just a fan and all. I'm not like, one of the crazy stalkers and such who do shitty things, and it's probably hard for both of you to deal with it every day."

Lucas glanced at Eliott, who was sharing the same confused look with him, as he stared back at the girl, and slowly asked, "I'm sorry, what do you mean?"

Then, it was the girl's turn to look confused, looking at them back and forth, asking uncertainly, "Aren't you guys — I mean, you — aren't you  _together_?"

Lucas thought his eyes were going to pop out of their sockets that exact moment. No one really taught him how to deal with moments like these and he was solely relying on Eliott because hey, superstars had more than one encounters of inevitably weird stuffs happening to them, right? For sure, being mistaken as your ex lover's current lover counted, right?

_Right?_

Wrong.

Because Eliott was radio silent beside him, eyes and mouth wide open as he stared at the girl in front of them. Great.

Lucas cleared his throat, attention now focused on him. He shifted uncomfortably, fidgeting a little, as he squeaked, "I'm — we're not, you know, together."

The girl swallowed audibly. "Fuck, I'm sorry," The girl apologised, turning a dark shade of red. "I didn't — I'm really sorry, I just thought—"

"Hey," Lucas cut her off, nodding. "It's fine, it's cool, see? We'll just take the order."

He handed her the proof of purchase, and she nodded, quickly scrambling to the stock room to check on the order. Lucas let out a shaky breath.

"So that was weird," Eliott murmured, putting down the pen on the table with the signed paper.

"You don't say."

Eliott opened his mouth to say something but the girl from earlier returned, more calm and composed as she interrupted them, and saying, "Right. So, two bouquets of daffodils and frangipani, and Stefan was sick so he wouldn't be able to personally deliver it to your home. You can wait until tomorrow or the next day, if you want."

Since his mum insisted on buying solely on small shops, incidents like this would very much happen, and since the shop didn't really own a truck for delivering, they were probably all relying on Stefan, the poor guy, to do all the carrying and, well, that wasn't exactly ideal.

Letting out a sigh, Lucas looked at the girl, before offering, "We'll just take it if that's fine?"

"You sure?" She asked skeptically. "It's pretty heavy."

"We'll take it," Eliott said, finalising it.

"Great," the girl grinned, clasping her hands together. She handed them a binder with a photocopied version of the receipt, and said, "Just sign in here and you're good to go."

The walk on the way back was a lot more comfortable — if you could call it that — since no hints of awkwardness were ever really paid attention to because the bouquets were  _fucking heavy,_  and Lucas thought his back was going to give up on him, jesus.

His mum was delighted when she saw the bouquets, urging them to leave it on the backyard for tomorrow.

With a deep sigh, Lucas stretched out his back the moment he put the flowers down, groaning just a little about it. Today was definitely something.

Eliott was still looking at him and it was really getting on his nerves, so he glared at Eliott, snapping just softly, "Stop that."

"I'm not doing anything."

"Just stop—"

"Will you have coffee with me?" Eliott cut him off, words coming all at once. "Tomorrow, I mean?"

And huh, Lucas wasn't expecting that, and when he thought about it, weighing down the pros and cons of the possible disaster, he thought, yeah, what was the worse that could happen?

(The answer was  _a lot_ , but Lucas being logical was out today, and it must be the _f_ _lowers._ )

Smirking, he raised an eyebrow at Eliott as he vaguely replied, "Why don't you find out tomorrow then?"

Eliott's grin was wider than he could ever remember.

 

  

 

"I don't get you."

Lucas looked up from the book he was reading, raising an eyebrow at Yann who was giving him an unimpressed look, and asked, "What now?"

"Last week, you were just plotting his murder, and now you agreed on a coffee date," Yann stated, rolling his eyes. "What's up with that, man?"

"Yann, it's not a date," Lucas sighed, folding the corner of the page of his book before putting it down on the table. "Besides, I didn't even said yes, and you don't know if he'll even come. It means nothing."

"Right," Yann replied dryly.

They were hanging out at the back room of the coffee shop where Yann worked, and Lucas would not admit it out loud but it was one of his favourite places in the world. It was cozy, and it smelled like nice coffee but he wouldn't tell that to his friend because it was so much fun to give him shit for it anyway.

Yann took a sip of his coffee, looking at Lucas in contemplation when he said, "You know, I'm actually surprised you didn't try to sell him out."

Lucas blinked, not sure whether he should be offended or not. Never once in his life did he think of selling Eliott out, even those times that he felt deep fury and loathe for him (an exaggeration, but still). Besides, Lucas wouldn't really stoop that low and try to ruin Eliott's career because of a past relationship. They used to be best friends, after all, and well, doing that would be against the best friends ethics, despite the fact that Lucas broke a lot of those.

"I would  _never_  do that."

"I know."

He was about to say something when Yann beat him to it, looking at him in all seriousness as he said, "Hey, Lucas, I know you're hung up on that guy but be careful, man, okay? I know how bad it got the last time."

There were a lot of things Lucas would like to correct in that sentence but refrained from doing so, at least, audibly. For one, he wasn't hung up on Eliott (at least he thought so). Him being completely bitter and devastated about Eliott leaving him was old news and he would very much like not to talk about it, thanks.

Next, he was careful, no matter what Yann insisted. It wasn't like a cup of coffee would automatically mean he was getting back together anyway, and how bad could it be, really? And well, the last time... That didn't matter anymore.

Instead, he pursued his lips and looked at Yann, saying, "I am careful," but even he couldn't even convince himself.

They stayed in silence once again until Lucas had to leave because Yann's break was over. It was pretty early still — the clock read 12.37 — so, he decided to drop by his favourite vintage store to spend a few time, and maybe a few euros as well for a new record. His musical preference broadened through the years, thank God, although still ranging from rock to indie folk — just a little more diverse.

He entered the shop and was immediately greeted with warmth, the same sense of comfort every single time he would get in. He flipped through the records, recognising a few familiar names and noticing some of the new ones.

He picked up  _The Game_  and  _Talon of the Hawk_ , and just as he was debating which one to get, he heard a familiar voice behind him with a suggestion that said, "If I were you, I'd choose both."

Lucas let out a sigh.

"You know, one of these days, you're going to get in trouble just by even suggesting that," he responded without even turning around, putting back the Queen record on its shelf and taking the latter.

"That doesn't make sense at all," Eliott pointed out, following him as he went to the counter.

"It probably makes sense to someone," he shrugged, actually not making any sense, even to himself. "Besides, why are you even following me?"

"I believe I was promised a coffee date," Eliott replied confidently.

"Just coffee," Lucas corrected.

"Fine," Eliott rolled his eyes, then smirked. "I believe I was promised a  _just coffee_."

And wow, Lucas thought, unimpressed. Eliott really thought he was being hilarious, huh. Ignoring Eliott's comment, he paid for the vinyl on his hand, adding an  _Into the Gap_  cassette tape the last second, before finally deciding to acknowledge Eliott with an annoyed glare and an exasperated sigh. "Fine. One coffee, Demaury."

Eliott grinned widely, buzzing slightly, jesus, and exclaimed, "Great. I was thinking this coffee place near the school. They sell the best biscuits."

Admittedly, Lucas was nervous. He wasn't sure how the day would end — so far so good — and all he could do was hope for the best, and maybe not embarrass himself by saying or doing something stupid. It was just one coffee, he thought to himself, trying to relax. It didn't have to mean anything.

He was too caught up in his own thoughts that he didn't even notice Eliott holding the handle bars of a bicycle — his bicycle — and Lucas tried to rack up his brain for something to say.

"You brought your bike," he asked instead, but it fell out flat, making it sound like a statement rather than a question.

"Totally not intentional," Eliott explained. "We can leave it here? I'll just take it tomorrow."

Lucas shook his head. "It's fine, I'll walk."

Eliott still left it though, quickly chaining it to the post before jogging his way to Lucas, smiling so wide that crinkles started to form on the side of his eyes. "So, how are you?"

Lucas frowned. "Really?"

"We never really got to talk," Eliott shrugged. "And I wanna know how you are."

"I'm fine." He supposed. Because really, how was he? He never thought he would come to a time when he couldn't even answer a simple question, seeing as he was lost in a broad spectrum of fine and fucked up. He wasn't doing his best, but he wasn't in his worst as well. It was just... dull. And boring, and lifeless. And it had been that way for a long time, until Eliott decided to shake things up by showing his face back in France.

So, yeah. Maybe  _I'm fine_  was the best answer.

Or not, seeing as it only made things a little awkward.

Eliott, still looking at him, decided to pan the subject on a different side, and asked instead, "What is it that you do? If you don't mind me asking."

"I don't," Lucas answered airily. "I, um, I work as a medical biologist."

"Oh, yeah?" Eliott's eyes were bright. "That's — wow, that's great."

Lucas hummed.

It wasn't  _that_ great, especially compare to what Eliott did for a living, but Eliott made it sound like it was so. Lucas had to hide a smile.

They entered the coffee place,  _mi-amer_ , and Eliott led them to the farthest booth possible, near a huge peculiar painting covering the wall and Eliott insisted that Lucas should wait for him, since it was his treat, so he did.

The truth was, Lucas was lost once again — had been the moment he caught Eliott's eyes in front of the house just a few days earlier.

It was stupid, was the thing. How a simple occurrence within a second could alter the whole time that would come after it, like how the slightest mistake could affect the whole line of domino bars, and the next thing you knew, everything was fucked up. It wasn't the best analogy, but in his defence, he hadn't been really in the best state to come up with a better one.

"Hey," Eliott smiled a few minutes later, holding a tray.

"Hi. Um, you know," Lucas started, mumbling almost, inaudible. "I don't actually drink coffee."

"I know," Eliott replied, setting down the tray and sitting across Lucas. "Which is why I bought you tea. Hope you like Yorkshire."

Lucas  _loved_  Yorkshire tea but he wouldn't admit it out loud, not letting himself give Eliott the satisfaction (which may have made him feel a little  ~~a lot~~  bad).

He took a sip, willing himself to stop fretting because this was  _normal_. Friends went out for afternoon tea. It wasn't supposed to be a foreign thing.

He glanced up and noticed Eliott staring at him, and when he was about to ask if something was wrong, Eliott beat him to it with a sigh. "So, I want to apologise."

"Uh?"

"For last time," Eliott clarified, nervously playing with his fingers. "I left without saying anything, and that sucks. It's very cruel of me, and I never really got to apologise for it. I'm really sorry."

"It's fine," Lucas dismissed, pretending he didn't notice the way his mouth dried and voice cracked.

"It's not," Eliott pointed out, shaking his head. "I hurt you, and you have every right to be mad at me. I didn't even tell you shit — I'm, Lucas, I'm really sorry."

Lucas was starting to feel a lump in his throat that made it difficult for him to breathe, surprised he hadn't shattered the cup yet considering how tight his hands were wrapped in it.

This was it, right? Eliott finally apologised for it, so, this must be some kind of closure, right? Still, something felt like it was missing.

The thing was Lucas wasn't even mad anymore. He was just...  _fuck,_  he didn't even know what and how he felt. It was nothing and everything at the same time, and maybe some part of him wished he could just go back to the old him filled with rage — mad at Eliott, mad at the world, mad at  _himself,_  because at least he was aware of what he was feeling then. It was fury, deep and huge and dangerous, and it might have consumed him a lot but at least  _he knew._

But this? This was  _treacherous._  It was push and pull, or a riddle with no concrete answer, and he felt like he was in middle school all over again, confused and scared, lonely. And he wasn't even angry at Eliott anymore. He thought he had forgiven him a long time ago already, but he was just too stubborn to deal with it. Maybe because a part of him still wanted to hang on to the past, to hope for something that wasn't there at all.

Or maybe it was because it was easier to stay mad at Eliott, and doing so would make him feel better about wallowing to bitterness for a long time.

Sure, he hadn't forgotten, but he made peace with it, eventually. Besides, if he was in Eliott's place, he probably would've done the same thing. He was a lot worse than Eliott when it came to fleeting and leaving impulsively, so, he couldn't be a hypocrite about it.

And, well. Eliott had always been a dreamer. Lucas watched all of those dreams unfold — some more mundane than the others — as they grew up together, so he couldn't really blame Eliott. He was proud even, and asking Eliott to stay for him would've been selfish.

Maybe that was why Eliott never told him at the first place. Maybe it was to save Lucas from the heartbreak of choosing. Or maybe it was because he knew how selfish Lucas could be (Lucas' words, not Eliott's, but he thought maybe it should count).

Maybe.

He feigned a cough, hoping Eliott wouldn't catch his eyes slowly watering, then asked, "How's New York then?"

Eliott blinked, obviously confused with the quick change of subject, before shrugging, defeated, "It's New York. Big and loud, crowded. Bright too, really bright."

Lucas couldn't really imagine Eliott in an artificial place such as New York. Eliott, who had genuineness painted in his whole body, living under the spotlights of New York, trying to the defy the fakeness of it all. It wouldn't make any sense.

"It was sad," Eliott admitted after a second. "I mean, I had friends, Manon and Arthur were great, they were actually the ones who talked me into going back here."

Lucas raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, I had been thinking of coming back for a while now," Eliott continued, nodding. "Until your mum invited me to the wedding, of course."

"Oh."

"Yeah. It was nice — New York — but it wasn't Paris."

Lucas smiled, as if understanding what that really meant, and raised his cup. "Cheers to Paris then."

"Cheers to Paris."

At around five, they arrived at Lucas' place (which was literally just beside Eliott's house). Lucas looked at Eliott, standing on their front porch, and said, "Um, thank you for today, it was nice."

Eliott nodded. "I'm glad you joined me."

He glanced behind Lucas, eyeing the house, and Lucas would almost read it as something sad, if his eyes weren't a bit blurry. "How's your mum?"

"Oh, you know," Lucas answered with a playful roll of an eye. "Getting married."

They both laughed.

"Must be weird, no?" Eliott asked, contemplating. "I mean, different father figure an all that, or something. It must be foreign trying to adapt."

"Not really," Lucas explained, shaking his head. "He wasn't really around that much the entirety of my life, so I assure you, the adapting process is totally fine."

Eliott let out a soft chuckle. "Right."

They stayed there for a few minutes, staring at each other as if waiting for something, and Lucas felt a peculiar sense déjà vu as Eliott slowly leaned forward, and hell, Lucas felt out of control, like he was being pulled by a magnetic force,  _closer, closer_  to Eliott that he could feel his breath.

They were only a few inches apart, and maybe, if he had the courage to close the distance between the two of them, then maybe —

Wait.

No.

This wasn't right.

Steering his head clear, Lucas stepped back, looking down at the ground as he said, "I'm sorry, we can't. We shouldn't."

"Lucas, I —"

"I'm going in," Lucas cut him off, a tone of finality in his voice, eyes still glued to the ground. "Thank you for today. Good night, Eliott."

He scrambled, almost tripping on his way to the door, fishing out the keys inside his coat with shaking fingers. After a few tries, he finally managed to open the door, letting out a deep sigh as he turned the knob. He then made the mistake of looking up and turning around because there Eliott was, looking confused and hurt, and God, Lucas shouldn't be feeling this but he did. It was as if there was an odd connection between the two of them that he felt himself getting hurt as well, and that just didn't make any sense, and there that was again, the familiar lump in his throat and it was getting harder to breathe.

Getting inside, he dashed to his room and let the tears fall uncontrollably, hoping they would wash away the image of Eliott in his head.

It was wishful thinking. It was exhausting. But at least it helped him fall asleep.

 

 

 

 

Lucas never thought weddings would be this stressful.

Surely, he should've known it the moment his mum started planning, all the constant yelling and cries that played in his head for at least fifteen hours a day, especially when the day before the wedding came and everyone was just falling apart to keep the wedding whole, but this was just a different level of  _stress._

His mum had been stressed out for the last hour already, whining and crying and just straight up nervous because she wanted everything to be perfect, and she was really rocking the bride in distress considering it was her second time.

"Maman," Lucas soothed, holding her hands. "It'll be fine, right? Marlon is out there, feeling excited because he's going to marry the most beautiful woman he's ever met."

"I just want it to turn out okay," she shakily answered, looking at him in anguish. "I really love him, Lucas."

"I know," Lucas nodded, tightening the hold on her hands. "And it will turn out okay. I promise."

She didn't look like she believed all of what he said but she seemed to calm down a little, and Lucas was willing to count his blessings.

"Okay."

"Okay," Lucas smiled, then engulfing her in a tight embrace. He let go after a few seconds, still smiling when he said, "Now I got to go prepare, right? I'll see you outside."

She nodded, a small smile on her lips.

Lucas was glad the pavilion was quite big, despite the cost. They were offered different changing rooms, and he was actually grateful for it, considering he was the best man which meant he wouldn't have to share. So, imagine his surprise when he went back to his room, frowning when he saw Eliott standing in front of his mirror, fixing his hair. "Um."

Startled, Eliott turned around, eyes widening, before spluttering, "I'm sorry. My mum was using my mirror and I thought I'd use yours for a second."

"It's fine," Lucas answered shortly.

If there was one thing he noticed about Eliott that moment, it was the fact that he looked gorgeous, and he had to remind himself that that was  _normal_ , Eliott was a freaking model, for God's sake, and he had to calm the fuck down, jesus.

He was freaking out, was what. Because hey, it was Eliott Demaury in a  _tuxedo_ , looking like some sort of sculpture handmade by the gods and despite the fact that Lucas wanted to feel envy, he felt lust instead which was wrong in so many ways, what the fuck.

Oh, and Eliott was wearing glasses.

"You look fine," Lucas choked out, clearing his throat awkwardly.

"You're not so bad yourself," Eliott replied with a smile.

"Why the glasses though?"

"Oh," Eliott pursed his lips. "I misplaced my contacts."

He fixed his glasses, blinking a few times before frowning, looking at Lucas seriously. "It's weird though. I haven't worn one in years and it feels weird."

"Can't disappoint the world by hiding the pretty face, no?" Lucas said without thinking about it, and if he could only hit himself then and there without looking stupid, he would've done it excessively, especially when he saw the torn expression on Eliott's face. Jesus. He bit his tongue, preventing himself from saying any more stupid things, and Eliott commented, "Your tie is crooked."

Lucas looked down, seeing that, yes, it was indeed crooked, even after he gave it a hundredth try to fix it and gave up eventually.

"Would be weird if it wasn't."

"True," Eliott chuckled before walking to him casually to fix it. "Always been so sloppy."

Lucas had to hold his breath because of the proximity, slightly fidgeting as Eliott continued to straighten his tie, probably unaware of Lucas' inner conflict. Jesus, he had to calm down. This wedding didn't need any more people freaking out and it most definitely wasn't going to be him.

"There," Eliott smiled after he was finished, stepping back. "You look like a decent best man now."

"So, I wasn't then?"

"With a crooked tie?"

"Sod off," Lucas laughed, easing out a little.

Maybe he could do this day just fine. 

 

 

 

The ceremony was beautiful.

It was simple but tasteful, the pavilion being covered in pastels and frangipani and daffodils — in which they had to order new sets because the one Lucas and Eliott took wilted. It was what his mum wanted, what his mum deserved, and Lucas was beyond happy to witness this particular day. (He might even have shed a tear or two during the exchange of vows.)

The reception was just as lovely, and his mum was close to tears by then.

Eliott had also been staring at him for the past hour and it was making his skin crawl, and he had no idea what to do about it.

Then there was the clinking of glass.

Mrs. Demaury stood up, beaming at everyone before she cleared her throat, and loudly stated, "May I have everyone's attention, please."

And of course, it was only fair that she was given the honour to deliver a speech. She was the bride's bestfriend after all. The whole day — and night — had been a delight. Everyone was happy — his mum was happy, and that was what mattered the most. It was almost magical.

The night went by longer than he expected it to, though. And well, gone were the days when he would indulge and drink himself to death — he was getting older after all — so, he wasn't sure if hanging out by the punch was a great idea. He was already on his third glass when a person in the shape of Eliott Demaury showed up beside him, greeting him with a cool, "Hello, Lucas."

And fuck, he still looked ridiculous beautiful despite the dishevelled hair and the slightly foggy glasses.

"Eliott."

"Do you maybe want to," Eliott started, only to be cut off the the orchestra playing. They looked at each other, both getting flustered that none of them even noticed Mrs. Demaury until she cleared her throat, making both of them a little startled. She looked at the both of them, a tight lipped smile on her face. "I believe I was promised a dance."

At this point, Lucas wasn't even sure who she was talking to (not like he promised her a dance, but still), but then she circled her arm around his, and well, that was obviously getting it.

Lucas wasn't exactly a terrible dancer, not really, but having your ex lover's mum ask you for a dance would surely make even the best dancers stumble on their feet. That or he just really was a terrible dancer.

She led them to the dance floor, smiling softly as she put her hands on Lucas' shoulders, and Lucas almost forgot how much Eliott looked just like her.

"Lucas," she started, smiling. "How are you and my son?"

Lucas blinked. She wasn't beating around the bush then.

"We're okay, ma'am," Lucas mumbled awkwardly.

"Look, I know the last time had been bad," she suddenly said, face falling from her face which was darkening a little. "Hell, I saw you collapse right in front of me, and trust me, it was really painful for me as well."

Lucas stayed silent.

"It was hard for Eliott, too," she let out a sigh. Lucas was truly impressed with how gracefully she could still dance while Lucas was doing his best not to step on her foot. "I wasn't just saying that because I'm his mum, just so you know."

Lucas still didn't say anything, mostly because he hadn't found the right words to say. But at the same time, it wasn't like Mrs. Demaury was waiting for him to answer anyway, so he kept his mouth shut.

"It was unexpected — New York," she continued, looking forlorn. "You know how he was back then. He... he never really believed in himself, never really thought he could do something in his life. So, when the offer came, he grabbed it almost immediately. I'm pretty sure you understand?"

Lucas wasn't sure if she was guilt tripping him, or she was just actually trying to explain her son's side, which was why Lucas didn't know how to react. No one ever taught him the proper answers to when your ex lover's mum would try to mend the unfixable relationship from your past. That and the fact that the said relationship was from six years ago.

"He never told me," Lucas answered weakly.

"He never told  _anyone_ ," she corrected, shaking her head. "He told me minutes before he left France."

"Oh."

"Yeah," she agreed, voice dripping with sadness. "I think he was trying to prove something, to be... independent, or what. He was full of teenage angst, as you were. It wasn't really something I understood."

"He hurt me," Lucas defended, wondering why he was still saying a word.

"I know that, and I can never excuse his actions for it," she answered, looking at him softly. "And I won't exactly play matchmaker, but... don't you think you deserve another chance? Both of you?"

Lucas looked around, anywhere, really, to avoid looking at her in the eyes. He wanted to tell her she didn't get it, that giving yourself to someone who didn't want it  _hurt_ , and well, maybe it was his choice to stay bitter and miserable for six years, but Eliott wasn't any better.

Explanation. That was what Lucas wanted. He wanted Eliott to tell him about his plans, about wanting to go to New York, he wanted to be there and support Eliott through it, to just... love him despite anything. And maybe another thing that hurt worse was that Eliott didn't trust him enough to tell him about it. It sucked.

"Think about it, dear," she smiled, albeit small and almost non existent. She just looked hopeful, and maybe even a little sad, and it was weird, but Lucas felt the same. "Maybe even give him a chance for a dance while you're at it."

Lucas was too caught up in his own thoughts to understand what she was saying, that he was caught off guard when she left him with a wink and in a matter of seconds, Eliott's hands were on his waist, his eyes sparkling a little. "Hi."

"Hey," Lucas greeted numbly.

"What did mum want?" Eliott asked, looking genuinely scared. "She didn't say anything bad, did she?"

Lucas shook his head. He also tried ignoring their closeness which was supposed to be uncomfortable, but it gave him warmth and made him feel safe instead. It was odd and confusing, but Lucas gave up trying to understand it hours ago.

"You know," Eliott started. "I thought you would've been a better dancer after all those years, but I'm completely mistaken."

"Hey," Lucas exclaimed, feigning offense, which made Eliott chuckle.

It was funny, Lucas thought. How the room could be filled with important people, but none of them would be interesting enough to focus his eyes on. Instead, all he could see was Eliott, letting the world around them continue to get blurry, as they slowly swayed to the music he could no longer hear.

"It's beautiful," Eliott remarked, looking around the room. "The wedding, the reception. It's really amazing."

"I know," Lucas nodded, smiling a little. "She really was excited for this day, and I'm happy for her."

"Do you wanna get married?" Lucas blinked.

Truth was, he wanted to get married. He would be lying if he said he hadn't thought about it, hell, he even had this grand idea in his head about how it should be, what colours to be used, or even where. It had been in the past though, and well, the thought of marriage seemed too stale about it now. He wasn't against it, per se, but it never really occurred to him as much anymore.

"That's the worst proposal ever," Lucas teased, letting out a low laugh.

Eliott raised an eyebrow, and tilted his head to the side, shrugging, "Guess I have to try better next time then."

Next time. Yeah. What the fuck was that.

"You know what I think?" Eliott asked as Lucas was just about to get lost in another thought, a mischievous grin on his lips. "I think we should get out of here."

Lucas gasped, eyes widening slightly. "Eliott, I cannot ditch maman's wedding."

"Why not?" Eliott asked again. "S'just the reception, and it was about to end anyway."

And, well... that was fair. It wasn't like he was still needed here anyway, and glancing around, he realised, where the hell was maman? He let out a sigh. Looked like his mum ditched her own wedding as well.

"So, what do you say?" Eliott smiled, raising his eyebrows. "Come home with me please?"

Then Lucas smiled.

Home.

He liked the sound of that.

 

 

 

"I'm scared." Lucas could see the light illuminating Eliott's outlines in the dark, like a drop on sun softly scattered and brush against his skin, glittering in the moonlight.

They were currently in Eliott's bed, lying face to face, and legs tangled under the sheets, fighting the cold with the warmth pooling on both their chests.

Lucas immediately felt a sense of déjà vu the moment his stepped in the room, remembering the dreaded night six years ago. It was far too clear all of a sudden, and it sent chills to his spine. Lucas knew he was treading on a dangerous slope, and he knew he could fall back into rock bottom again any time. He wasn't sure what it was — desire or desperation or lust-induced adrenaline — but the new found courage in his chest was slightly overwhelming.

Eliott put his hands on Lucas' face, slowly pressing their foreheads together, and asked, "Why?"

"The last time we were here, you left the next day."

Eliott closed his eyes, opening them again to kiss Lucas deeply, and whispering, as if letting Lucas on a secret. "You don't have to be scared this time."

"Oh yeah?" Lucas whispered back, like they were huddled in their own world.

"I won't leave." It was a promise. It was something Lucas was willing to believe in. And maybe, he really didn't have to be scared anymore.

The next day, Eliott was gone and a familiar sense of fear and anxiety run through Lucas, making him sit up quick causing him to get slightly nauseous. He was about to get out of the bed, taking the discarded shirt on the floor when the door opened, revealing Eliott on the other side with a plastic tray on hands, sitting on the edge of the bed and placing the tray in the middle of it, and smiling reassuringly at Lucas. "Hey. I'm here."

He leaned in and pressed a kiss on Lucas' lips, and Lucas smiled, greeting back. "Hi you."

"I made breakfast," Eliott grinned, pulling back and ushering for Lucas to try the food.

Lucas glanced down, a suspiciously decent looking French toast placed on the plate, and a cup of tea on the other. Lucas narrowed his eyes at Eliott playfully. "How do I know this won't poison me?"

"Sod off, Lucas," Eliott bit back, chuckling. "I'll have you know, I asked my mum for help. But I will mostly take credit."

Lucas hummed. The French toast was good, much to Lucas' surprise. He would like to think it was all Eliott's mum, but he wouldn't tell Eliott that. Up to this day, he could never look at crêpes the same way, jesus.

It was in the middle of a hot make out session when Eliott said it, panting out a little, and grinning, "I think we should go out on a date."

"A date?"

"A real one," Eliott nodded.

Lucas furrowed his eyebrows, confused, but he let out a soft chuckle anyway, pursing his lips. "Alright then, lover boy."

"Cool, cool," Eliott smiled warmly. "I was thinking the 50's diner near the park."

Lucas agreed. Because, well, he really did want to.

In fact, he got so excited that that night, at seven, he decided to surprise Eliott by arriving at the dinner ten minutes earlier than their agreed time, giddy to his toes.

Only.

Eliott didn't come.

 

 

 

The message came around eight o' clock the next day, a simple text saying,  _I'm so sorry, Lucas. Something came up at work. Let me see you, please. I'm sorry._

Lucas never deleted a message so fast in his life.

Yann was looking at him, on the comfort of the couch of the coffee shop's back room, gaze calculating and concerned, but not necessarily judging and condescending. It was one of those looks Yann would give him whenever shit was way too deep for him to even put his mind around.

"You do know what you're getting yourself into when you associated yourself with him again, right?"

"Yann," Lucas let out an exasperated sigh. It was too early and he was too sober for this kind of shit. "I don't wanna hear it."

"Yes, but you have to."

Lucas supposed that was right. Still, it wasn't fun having your hope's up just to be let down again.

It was his fault though, really, for getting blinded all over only to realise the same things were to happen once more. He was pretty sure he was putting himself up for another disappointment, but it was quite addicting. He never felt this much high from pain. And well, he supposed he could never really run from it forever, so, he might as well hear it now. At least, he was hearing it from his best friend.

"Fine."

Yann looked at him in contemplation. "Okay," he said. "You know how big Eliott is in his industry. Things like this will happen. All the time. And if you're willing to make your way back to his life, you have to know you can't control these things. It's going to be like that, man."

"But will i just stay complacent with that?"

"Not complacency, no," Yann shook his head. "I believe the word you're looking for is compromise. Talk to Eliott, Lucas. Let him explain. Then you decide for yourself."

Lucas thought about it. Maybe Yann was right, maybe it was what they were supposed to do - to compromise. To catch each other on both ends of the rope, never letting go, despite being on the verge of falling. It was frayed, and dangerous, but it was all they got. For now, at least. It must be something, right?

It was only a matter of time, after all.


End file.
